Like many others, I decided to sit my middle-class ass at home and judge the literal millionaires in attendance during Monday’s Met Gala. The “Superbowl of the Fashion World” was as ok as ever, with stars and fashion’s elite sticking to the very safe theme of [noted lifelong fatphobe] Karl Lagerfeld, of Fendi and Chanel fame.
Perhaps for the first time ever, the later mentioned storied French house, dressed a *gasp* fat person, sending Grammy-Award winner Lizzo down the…red? white? IDK, carpet in a black dress with some pearls. Yup. The biggest night of the year in fashion, dressing a chart-topping, award-winning singer/songwriter, and the best Chanel could come up with was a black dress with a couple of strings of pearls. But that’s not why we’re here.
I made a couple of Tiktok videos for funsies, as you do, critiquing the fashion choices. When it came to Lizzo, I made the mistake of calling her…
FAT.
Yes. I, a fat woman, made mention of another fat woman’s physicality. I received quite a few comments about how “rude” I was and how I had insulted Lizzo (who, I am sure, is aware by now, that she is, indeed, a fat), and it got me to thinking: in the year of our Lord Biana Del Rio 2023, why are we still treating “fat” like a bad word?
There are many layers here to consider, and unlike my usual Substack posts, this will totally be my thoughts and feelings; no research or anything.
“Fat” has many negative connotations—it’s terrible, unhealthy, undesirable, a sign of greed and gluttony; it’s short on life and long on sorrow. To many, fat is the worst thing one can be. More egregious than being unkind and less deserving of civility and empathy, when someone is fat, they are automatically considered less than. Which absolutely sucks. It makes it nearly impossible to gain any sense of self-worth or self-love. Last year, during season 2 of Euphoria, before Kat decided to quit playing the two-dimensional fat friend, I wrote:
You're reminded every day that you take up too much space, you demand too many resources, and that your body is a problem. That YOU are a problem.
So I’m unsurprised that the backlash came from thin and fat people. Calling yourself, or others, fat hardly ever comes from a place of neutrality. If you grew up fat, as I did, you know the word is rarely said with kindness and often uttered with contempt and derision. If you got fat later on in life, you know that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach is a deep and dark well comprised of the many, many times you judged a fat person simply for existing—rather or not you chose to give voice to those feelings. And now karma, the fat bitch that she is, is coming for you :) “Did you see so-and-so? Oh, my god, she’s gained so much weight since high school.”
Here’s the thing: you can’t win either way. Not acknowledging that you’re fat gives people, loved ones and strangers alike some irrevocable license to point out every extra roll of skin on your body. Lamenting how you could just “try another diet.” If you’re loudly fat or working up the courage to mention that you’re fat, it’s a saccharine sweet pity party, complete with a chorus of, “You’re not fat; you’re beautiful!”
Thanks, but I never said I was ugly. Just fat. I know I am beautiful. I know I am fat. These two things are not mutually exclusive.
My advice? Get comfortable with the word “fat,” it isn’t going anywhere, and as cliche as it sounds, torturing yourself about it won’t make it any better. Channel your Fat Amy, own your body—life is both too long and simultaneously too short to spend it worrying about what size pants you wear.
Alternatively, if you’re not quite comfortable embracing the “F-word,” I get it. I won’t push you, but I’ll leave you with this: fat isn’t bad, it isn’t good, it just is. You, my dear fat person, are simply allowed to exist, and part of that existence is being fat.
And there’s nothing wrong with that. I promise.
Lately I have discovered I was obese but it never should have been considered a bad thing because we didn't get heavy from willpower-- it's our body and the way we reacf to hormones... And yeah fat is an adjective but should not have negative connotations... totally agree. Lately i feel sorry for people who are that ignorant about being mean about fat. Just like when people call someone "crazy"... Great essay. Glad you said all this... ❤️